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Charlie Brooker's most offensive, controversial (and brilliant) video game reviews

'If Carmageddon 2 doesn't win GoTY, I'll eat my own arse'

Believe it or not, but painfully funny telly critic Charlie Brooker used to review video games for some blokes (and ladies) that didn't sit too far away from us.

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Writing for PC Zone in the mid-90s - when he wasn't getting the magazine pulled from shelves for massively libellous comic strips (see Lara Croft's Cruelty Zoo) - Brooker committed his insight and Kentish Town anecdotes to reviewing PC titles, from Dungeon Keeper all the way to Unreal.

Most of them were very funny - and they've been sitting on CVG's servers for more than ten years.

After Brooker provided his own take on Rockstar's LA Noire last night - along with a timely reminder of his classic GTA critique from 1997 - we thought we'd bring together some of our favourite verdicts from his PC Zone past for your pleasure. Enjoy.

Outcast - 60%

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"Scarcely a moment goes by without a character blurting out a new word. You must go and talk to the Mons, they'll say. The what? The Mons? They are the leaders of the Talan. The who? Didn't you know? They inhabit Shamazaar, which is in the grip of the Fae Rhan. The which? Open your mouth to speak and, within seconds, even the simplest of exchanges congeals into a dispiriting trudge through a quagmire of Crap Alien Terminology."

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Euro Truck Simulator - 40%

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"You don't get to do any of the other things truck drivers are famous for, like wanking over porn in lay-bys or knifing 19 year-old hitchhikers, so the tedium quotient remains fairly constant."

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Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver - 69%

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"Shadow Man is the better of the two. Soul Reaver: Legacy of Kain feels a little sad and superfluous by comparison."






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Micro Machines V3 - 90%

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"Turds, for instance. They're beautiful. They're so beautiful, no one can bear to flush them away without turning round for a quick look first. Check out those tapered ends! Not only are they aesthetically charming, they also perform an important practical function: preventing your buttocks from clapping together each time you drop one off."

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Theme Hospital - 91%

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"So anyway, I was hiding upstairs, cowering, contemplating the scene that would doubtless unfold: me, having my legs broken with a hammer. Me, having my face cut open with a rusty bread-knife. Me, being tied into a pretzel and hurled bollocks-first from the top floor window by his knuckleheaded cronies."

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