Listen up soldier, you may well be gallivanting around Cold War trouble-spots and filling your fellow man with little lumps of red-hot metal - but if you want some meaningful method to back up your insane bloodlust then read on (if you don't, that's cool - see you online, but you won't see us when we drill your skull full of holes!).
We've played the game to distraction and we've held in-depth negotiations with Treyarch's lead multiplayer designer David Vonderhaar - and now we've collated all the essential knowledge you'll need to rule Call of Duty: Black Ops straight off the bat...
In part one of our ultimate guide we'll take a look at some of the new gameplay mechanics as well as cover some of Treyarch's favourite loadouts for offence, defence and stealth.
In Black Ops the XP you gain through kills and victories, as ever, raises you through levels, unlocking features as you improve.
What's new, however, is that once you've unlocked a feature you can buy anything from within it using CP.
Guns are the only things left in the game that still get unlocked at different levels.
"This is the distinction from previous games which said: 'You unlock this particular perk at this level' or 'You unlock this particular attachment by doing a set of challenges for a gun'," explains Vonderhaar.
"We've thrown all that away. It's not about that grind. The only grind you need worry about is making money and levelling up. You don't need to do challenges to unlock content - if you have enough money you can spend it where you want to. That was a very conscious philosophy."
CREATE A CLASS
"With Create a Class, choose perks that either complement what you're really good at, or off-set what you're not good at," explains Vondehaar.
"So guys that aren't so good at aiming - they like to take an extended clip attachment so they have more ammo and more lead.
That's the beauty of the system - it's not a class-based game in the traditional sense where you're like, 'I'm a wizard! You're a tank! Here's the healer!' What really humiliates people lately is when you take in a stun grenade with the tomahawk.
Stun them to slow them down, then tomahawk them. That's a sure-fire way of getting people fired up..." That's not the only way though.
We asked Vonderhaar to detail some more of Treyarch's favourite loadouts:
Defence: "I've set up this defensive class I'm pretty happy with. I use it in objective-based game modes when I'm, say, defending Domination points that we've already captured.
I'm using a FN FAL with the Flak Jacket - with Hardened and Tactical Mask perks. So I can deal with the grenade spam that comes in on top of Domination objectives well, since the Tactical Mask is great at keeping me from getting flashed and stunned - the Pro versions especially."
"I also take a jammer - that messes with people's radar. Offensive attackers live and die on the strengths of the red dots they see on their map; without them, they're blind.
Combined together, for a defensive player, these perks mean you're constantly surprising people: they expect you to be dead from a grenade and you're not, they expect you to be stunned or flashed and you're not.
Then they can't tell where you are, as you put the jammer down and hid it somewhere..."
Offence: "The RPK - a Light Machine Gun - is brutal. It's not one people usually think about for offensive classes, they usually go with assault rifles.