Doomed Doom movie movie, maybe

We literally blow a hole in the arse of our pants through unparalleled fear - which may be a lie

For some reason we thought the new Doom movie was being directed by Uwe Bol, unparalleled auteur in the burgeoning genre of videogame-to-movie movies. Given the relative merits of Mr. Bol's current collective works (House of the Dead! Alone in the Dark!), we'd pretty much primed ourselves for the movie equivalent of a sloppy skid mark on your curtains.

As it turns out, Doom is actually the work of one Andrzej Bartkowiak. A quick scan of IMDB shows he's had a hand in at least a few decent flicks, so you know, give the guy a chance. Anyway, the Doom movie trailer exploded over the internet recently like the high point of a bukkake party, so we thought we'd check it out - and obviously, give you the chance to check it out too.

However, if you're suffering from early afternoon wrist fatigue and really can't be bothered to click the link down the bottom of the page, we'll quickly summarise it for you: Mars (establishing shot)! Needlessly complicated whizzy CGI and some gruff American talking about finding ten percent of the human g-nome - or possibly genome, but we prefer the idea of hell being unleashed by a little man with a beard.

Anyway, then there's a half naked chap sitting at his computer. Presumably he's just getting ready to shuffle his knuckles when his ear-piece grunts out some orders. By the way, we're skipping bits here. Blah blah, a bunch of soldiers lock and load their Doom-y weapons. Everyone gets a "handle id" - hello you multi-players, presumably - and then there's lots of curious first-person corridor action, sporting authentic gun jiggle at the bottom of the screen, which all looks a bit like it was filmed during a game of Quaser. Cue some scary hellspawn jumping out and that's it, the end.

We give it two and a half stars - although we liked the chainsaw.

Doom trailer
Download here (25.6Mb, QuickTime)